Stories of Human Dignity Read at 2019 Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies Workshop December 5-6 New York City
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th81Bih41PU&feature=youtu.be
Preplanned Dignilogue 2
Can we Teach Human Dignity?
Lucien X. Lombardo
Helping Adults Becoming Better Ancestors through Discussions of Human Dignity and Childhood: Connecting with our Families and Our Past!
- Human Dignity is “inherent” (something we all have), but our sense of HD and its meaning develops from felt from experiences.
- Human Dignity is felt as personal – HD is inherent in the individual but is experienced as interactional and develops in the contexts of interactions with others where our HD is SUPPORTED and / or VIOLATED.
In the stories that follow, adults remember experiences with human dignity as children. These stories help adults connect to childhoods they often put behind them. In turn, these stories reestablish the connection to their own childhoods and help them connect to the children in their lives in new, deeper ways.
JA S11 Human Dignity Violated as a Child Read by Bonnie Sterlman
It makes more sense to begin with how I felt my dignity was violated as a child because when it was supported it was like an escape from oppression. As far back as I can remember, there was always a power struggle between my mother and me. I actually cannot remember many details from my childhood, but I do remember feeling like my feelings were invalid. She never approved of the people I chose to associate with and often forbade me from seeing them. This caused me to sneak out and lie. She frequently snooped through my room, looking for evidence of my wrongdoing, which I felt was a violation of my privacy. Eventually I was confined to the house and only allowed one friend, who ironically remains my best friend today, 15 years later. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I was not allowed to make any of my own decisions or be my own person. I felt trapped and secluded. This eventually built up to major depression and involuntary hospitalization. I can remember kicking and screaming as my mother physically forced me into the car to take me to the hospital. I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried. I often wonder what choices I would have made if I had been given the opportunity to make them on my own. I think I was forced into rebellion by my mother’s oppression, which has had permanent effect on my sense of self-worth.
AB S 2019: Human Dignity Supported as a Child: Harley Hessel
There was one other time I can distinctly remember my human dignity being supported as a child. I was in in elementary school, I don’t remember exactly what age I was, but I know I was young. I remember my dad taking my little brother and I out to eat. It was his weekend to have us. My parents got divorced when I was 4 years old and my brother was 2. I know my dad had to tell us something important by the way he was acting. My parents always told me I was a very intuitive child. As my dad starts to talk, I remember him being nervous and almost emotional. He sat us down and said he needed to tell us something. My dad told my brother and I that night that he was gay/bisexual. Now as you can imagine as a very young child, I didn’t understand the big deal. My dad became very emotional and started hugging us. He told us people were shocked he was telling his kids who were so young. My dad stated that a lot of times families will disown their loved ones when they find out their gay. He cried and told us that he was so grateful to have children who accepted him and loved him for who he was. In my eyes he was still my dad. I felt proud of my dad, I felt he really valued my brother and I, and our opinion. He felt we were worthy of knowing.
Human Dignity Violated as a Child: AV 04: Read by Hannah
It may have been days or weeks from when I spilled my Mom’s perfume, I cannot remember, but at this time I was in pre-school and had really gone through a whole lot to make a beautiful Valentine’s Day card for my mom. I took longer than the other kids and made sure I didn’t make a mess while making it because I wanted it to be really special for her. The teacher even told me that my card was really beautiful. I smiled really big! There were hearts cut out on it with red and silver glitter…it was so pretty! I was so excited about making the card that I rushed home to give it to her that day. When I got home, she had not made it home from work, so I ran up to my father and said, “look what I made for mommy!” I gave him the card to look at. He took it… looked at it and then tore it up in tiny pieces right in front of me. He then asked me “you know why I did this don’t you?” I said “no” and I started to cry. He then reminded me of the time I had destroyed her perfume. I instantly remembered that event, which I had forgotten days or weeks ago. My mom came home from work and I told her what happened. I heard her speak to him about it. She apologized to me for him. It did not help the pain and agony I felt deep inside the day he did this to me. This hurt worse than any of the whippings. I did not get the empathy from my mom that I felt I should have received. I wanted to just cry forever. I hated him for that. I never got over the pain. When something like this happens it destroys your self-confidence, and your self-esteem. At that age, I did not understand why someone could do something like that and be human. His only explanation for his monstrous behavior was, “now you are feeling what your mother felt when you destroyed her perfume bottle.”
Human Dignity Supported as a Child: AT 04 Read by Anne Wyatt-Brown
There was a time when my mom managed to show up for open house. This was the first time she had managed to get herself together enough to act like she was interested in what I was doing. My mom was addicted to drugs, so she was always unavailable physically and mentally to be aware of anything including herself. When she did get herself together enough to realize the world around her, it was usually about her and not her kids. This time she came to visit the teachers in my classes and asked a few questions about me. I was about nine years old. I was proud that day because my mom was with me. Even though she made it through less than a half hour of open house, it had an impact on me, and I was happy! Children have a sense of loyalty to their parents even when things are not the way they should be. They want to feel wanted and needed. When given just a small amount of attention, kids will take it and cherish it forever- I did. I felt proud that day because my mom was finally with me. At that time, just her presence was enough for me. I had my mom with me just like the other kids! I felt normal that day instead feeling different or left out like the other times when I attended open house by myself.